


don't say goodbye tonight (and leave forever)

by sudden sky (patchworklove)



Series: plantverse [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Trans Male Character, dan's getting his master's so it technically is, no beta we die like men, plantdad!phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-12 18:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19950787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patchworklove/pseuds/sudden%20sky
Summary: dan howell's just trying to finish his master's thesis but a plant and a very cute boy get in the way.





	don't say goodbye tonight (and leave forever)

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: https://dailyau.tumblr.com/post/186497207631/you-gave-me-a-plant-because-the-flowers-on-my-desk
> 
> title from beautiful pain by andy black

“hey dan?” pj asks, poking at his shoulder with the eraser end of a pencil.

“yeah?” dan says, not looking up from his computer. he’s in the writing zone, he knows exactly what he needs to write about for his master’s thesis, and pj isn’t helping him.

“it’s lester’s birthday soon.”

“who the fuck is lester? your boyfriend?” dan asks. he’s furiously typing at this point.

“no, dammit. phil lester. y’know, our coworker? the one with the plants?” pj says.

“oh.” dan doesn’t really say anything after that, because goddammit he has to write everything he’s thinking of otherwise he’ll forget everything.

pj just smirks at him and goes back to writing his own thesis.

dan and phil aren’t necessarily close, but they’re acquaintances, and they’ll help each other out while working in the office. it would be a nice gesture to give phil a present, because dan wants to be a nice person even when his social awkwardness fails to help him.

so dan asks pj to take him to the mall after they’re done at the library, and dan knows the perfect present for phil. it’s a tiny plant start that would grow over time if cared for. 

he can’t wait to give it to him next monday, which is when both of them are next scheduled to work together. phil doesn’t work on the weekends or on thursday’s, and an outsider would think that dan stalks phil, but it’s just a thing he’s picked up after getting his weekly email for the shift placements.

dan works on weekends and mondays, just because his master’s program in theatre arts just takes too much of his time. he just wanted the job so that he could spoil himself every once in a while and learn how to manage his time (bless his mum for paying for most of his school stuff, she knows how much this means to him). he dragged pj, his best friend, to work with him because he didn’t want to be alone, but soon enough phil started working there and dan could go swimming in those eyes.

he’ll admit that phil is attractive, but dan isn’t really thinking about a relationship because he doesn’t really have time, and it’s been so long since he had a boyfriend that he doesn’t really know what to do if he were to get in a relationship.

he slaps himself to get him to stop thinking about those things. he needs to focus on editing the draft of his thesis before his next lecture, instead of whatever this is. it’s just a gift for a nice coworker.

soon enough, monday rolls around the corner.

dan is nervous walking into work that afternoon, wondering if the plant was the wrong choice for a gift, and pj is telling him to just shut up and give it to phil.

so he does.

“thank you so much, dan! i love it!” phil says. he has a huge grin on his face, and dan says “you’re welcome,” before sitting down at his desk.

**peej:** _that wasn’t so hard, was it?_

**daniel:** _fuck off!_

* * *

**unknown:** _You gave me a plant because the flowers on my desk are so lovely but my flowers are silk Idk how do I take care of a real plant?_

dan gets the message while he’s on the bus going home from work. 

**daniel:** _phil? how tf did you get my number?!_

**daniel:** _wait don’t answer that pj gave it to you_

dan changes the contact to phil’s name while he waits for a response.

**phil:** _Nope. Staff directory. I do appreciate the gift though, even though I have no idea on how to take care of it._

**daniel:** _it’s a cactus, they’ll survive without water._

**phil:** _I sure hope so, Danny._

* * *

“who the fuck are you texting, mate? you have no friends other than sophie and i.” pj laughs.

“phil.” dan says, nonchalantly.

“no fucking way.” pj now has a shit eating grin on his face.

dan laughs. “at first i thought you gave it to him to try and set us up together, but he found it on the staff directory and ever since we’ve been talking.”

he knows now that whatever feelings he has for phil are definitely romantic, and he hates it. they’ve literally just become friends, and dan feels like he’s going to ruin it by having romantic feelings.

there’s also a possibility that phil’s not fucking gay either. 

dan goes to the library to work on his thesis to get rid of these gay thoughts, even though the thesis is the last thing on his mind right now. his thesis could go fuck itself up the ass for all he cares, because he’s been working on it for the past year now and he can’t wait for it to be done.

by june, he’ll have finished his master’s degree and dan will never have to do a paper again.

the library turns out to be closed because there’s a lecture going on, so dan has to go somewhere else. he decides that his thesis can wait, and that he needs to treat himself by going to the mall.

dan buys himself a cactus, because he’s feeling impulsive and he misses phil right now.

_“you defeated the whole purpose of going out of the house to stop thinking of phil, wow good job dan,” he thinks_.

when pj sees him come home with the cactus, he doesn’t say shit, because dan looks tired and his hair is curly and wet from the rain. 

* * *

**daniel:** _i bought myself a cactus because i’m sad and my thesis is making me cry._

**phil:** _I didn’t know you were in grad school :0 Don’t worry, my thesis also made me cry. My linguistics degree was useless considering I work at a billing office, but I get to spend time with you on Mondays._

**phil:** _Did you choose a name for your cactus?_

**daniel:** _no. why would i?_

**phil:** _You have to! It’s a must!_

**phil:** _Also the cactus died this morning :(_

**daniel:** _cactus aren’t supposed to die that quickly, phil. you must have some sort of voodoo magic._

* * *

a few days later, when dan sees phil walk into work the same time he does, he’s excited. despite having worked together for the past year or so, they’ve never managed to enter the building at the same time.

“hey, how are you - oh.” dan stops, noticing that phil looks like he’s been crying.

“do you wanna talk about it?” dan asks.

phil shakes his head, and dan puts a hand on his shoulder.

“i’m here for you.” dan says.

they part ways to head to their desks, and dan notices that phil is packing up all of his stuff.

he leaves before dan could talk to him, and dan hates seeing phil so upset.

* * *

**daniel:** _i saw you cleaning out your desk today, please take care of yourself :(_

**not delivered.**

he finds out from pj that phil’s on an indefinite leave of absence. pj’s ability to know about everyone’s business is a blessing and a curse.

the text messages to phil aren’t sending, and he can’t help but feel worried. they weren’t best friends, but they were close, and dan just misses seeing him at work on mondays.

“it’s not your business though,” he has to tell himself. he’s not entitled to anything from phil, because they’re just friends. or, were.

dan has other things to think about, and it would be unhealthy if he was hung up on phil’s departure.

* * *

phil comes back to work a few months later, sometime in may. dan isn’t really paying attention, and pj is the one to point it out. 

“you should talk to him and see how he’s doing.” pj suggests.

as much as dan’s glad that he’s back, he doesn’t want to overwhelm him. he doesn’t even know if phil would like to see him. but that thought diminishes, because when dan leaves at 10, phil sticks his hand in the elevator and smiles upon seeing dan.

“hi. i’ve missed you.” phil says, after an awkward moment of silence.

“i’ve missed you too.” dan stutters.

“do you want to go for a coffee? so that i can explain everything?”

“you don’t have to explain it, i’m just glad you’re back, all in one piece.” 

phil shakes his head. “i insist.”

so they talk it out at the coffee shop close to their work. phil asks dan how his master’s is going, and he says that it’s okay. dan’s excited to get out of uni because even though it was fun learning about theater for the past six years, he just wants this dumb thesis to be done with.

phil laughs at him, reminiscing on his own uni days.

there’s a gulp in phil’s throat once they’re done giggling about university, and dan doesn’t think he wants to hear what phil has to say about his disappearance, if it’s this hard for phil to talk about.

but phil says he has to get it out there, because he considers dan to be his best friend, and that he deserves to know what was happening.

“i was attacked on the way home from work.” phil starts.

“i knew who they were, they were people from my secondary school who knew me as someone else, and they approached me on the street in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. they kept calling me derogatory things, and i yelled at them to back off.”

dan doesn’t like where this is going.

“they told me to shut up and take it like the girl that i am. sorry i have to come out to you like this, but yeah i’m a trans man.” phil looks to dan for reassurance, and dan tells him that he’s okay, that dan won’t think any different of him.

“they beat me up, and did stuff to me in an alleyway. i walked to the hospital about 5 blocks away, and i got tested for all sorts of shit. i didn’t care about having a rape kit or whatever, i just wanted to make sure nothing was broken.”

dan can see that phil’s crying, so he grabs phil’s hand to hold it. phil doesn’t flinch away.

“i didn’t want to go home on the bus, but i also didn’t want to walk home, so i called my mum and she drove to the hospital even though it was an hour away and in the middle of the night.”

“you could’ve called me.”

“didn’t wanna bother you. but after my mum found me, she said that i should stay with her so that i could recover. i ended up realizing that i didn’t wanna just go back into the swing of things, so i took an indefinite leave of absence. my parents got a uhaul to send all of my stuff back to the house, but i lost my charger in the move and i just couldn’t be arsed to buy a new one, so i didn’t call you or anything.”

dan’s rubbing circles on phil’s hand.

“what made you want to come back here again?”

“you. i really like you, dan howell.”

“and i like you too, phil lester.”

phil giggles at that.

“do you wanna go on a date sometime?” dan asks.

“i’d love that.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! ^_^
> 
> twitter: twotonques  
> tumblr: fearoftryinq


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